Stealing a few moments of quiet while my baby napped, I enjoyed a good cup of coffee and read through the book of Colossians. As I read Paul's familiar words "to live is Christ,..." I wondered... Could I say that? I mean, really and truly could I say that for me to live is Christ?
I had to admit that far more accurate would be the statement "for me to live is: to keep a balanced budget, to stay on top of the kids' schoolwork, to try and keep up with what is expected and to hide how short I come up". When I wake up in the morning these are the matters filling my thoughts. What do I have to do today to keep from drowning? I am reminded of a really good Nichole Nordeman song (aren't they all?) with which I can deeply relate:
It's a fear that keeps me wide awake
In the middle of the night
When the expectations are too great
And the bar gets raised too high
So I do the best with what I've got
And hope that no one knows
That I strain to see how high I can
Try to stand on these toes
Until I'm measured,
But You know better
Of course we all have responsibilities, and it is important to be diligent and to step up. But that shouldn't be what we (I) live for, it should be the afterthought. But so often these things monopolize my thoughts and my attention all day long and crowd out everything else; I am reminded of the promise "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you." I don't think "all these things" is simply food and shelter, I think it also includes just making it through the day intact, being the wife and mom and friend (or husband or dad) we are called to be.
So now the question remains- what will I do to change this? And whatever answer the Lord whispers to my heart, will I end up putting it aside until after I've done the dishes, balanced the budget, helped the kids with their homework, filled out the high school registration packet, called my sister, uploaded my camera, vacuumed the living room......